time and tide,
i'm with the love of my life.
but why is it hard to see his face?
why can't i recognise his voice?

Christmas is here,
i can only long.
long to be seen,
long to be recognised.

it's a few past Christmas,
i sit alone with an unnatural brokenness.
torn.


i want to feel like i belong. but if i do, would i be able to hold onto it?
i want to commit. but yet if i do, how long will it last? how long will I last?
it's hard not to waiver at the slightest hint of weakness.
it's hard not to lust after things that bring no benefit.
it's hard relying on something that is just too unpredictable.
can one differentiate stubbornness from perseverance?

word of the day : confidently wrong

yen, i'm sorry this is a very belated birthday wish...i know i have yet to call you...things just seem to happen at the weirdest of times...

girl, i'm glad that our friendship has brought us this far. i'm glad that you trust me enough to share your deepest thoughts and fears with me. 21 is just a number...what is truly significant is your experiences and the memories that carry you along this lifetime. let's toast to our hurts and trials because that's where we find happiness. let's dance to our achievements. let's celebrate life together.

dearest friend, i wish you every good wish i can possibly think of on your 21st birthday. May the Lord continue to guide your steps and light your way.

lots of love,
leen

so Singapore was a blast!

4 of us plus Becky's dad took the train down. an arduous 8-some hours on a train with nothing but sleeping chambers. awfully small, claustrophobic sleeping chambers. terribly uncomfortable upper-bunk beds. makes for 4 sleep deprived individuals on a mission to shop. well, the main purpose of our trip was to attend the Casting Crowns conference and concert.

we left KL on sunday night and reached monday morning. took a cab over to Becky's granma and aunt's place in Woodlands, which would be our place of residence for the first two nights. though the place was small, it was really cosy. they were both so hospitable! the granma woke up early to ta pau breakfast for us each morning. i kinda miss them now...

wednesday was the day of the conference. basically, it was a leader's conference. Mark Hall is a fantastic speaker. we only managed to attend the concert on thursday night and it was really good! they sound almost exactly the same live as they do on their CD.

wednesday would also be the day we packed up and moved to Becky's parents' condo. hehehe...that place...it was actually really REALLY nice but because the previous tenants only moved out a few days back, the place was bare. no fridge, no sofa, no TV...well, there was a bed for Beck's parents and 2 mattresses for the girls...that was it...and air-conditioning (which really, would be the only thing that mattered).

we left on friday night and reached KL saturday morning.

public transportation is a gift to posers and camwhores.
MOS night at Clarke Quay. that place is GORGEOUS. even if not for the clubbing and drinking, go there to check out the decor.

this trip was actually very kinky...spending that much time with a person can cast a light on hidden attributes...
i know i'm not giving a very detailed account but it's late...i'm tired...i have an early morning tomorrow...i just needed something to do before going to sleep.

so i've been tagged.

"orite la Ally, don't *smacks* k?"
a quick update, i've been working the past month for my parents. need to gather enough money to have a decently enjoyable trip to Singapore next week. woohoo! i suppose i'll have more updates when i get back...i suppose...


Part 1: On the Outside
Name: Ai Leen
Birth Date: 5th February
Current status: single
Eye Color: dark brown
Hair Color: dark brown with what once used to be violet highlights but now it's just...sigh....
Righty or Left: ambi
Zodiac Sign: aquarius

Part 2: On the Inside
Your Heritage: chinese
Your Fear: lizards...exploding things
Your Weaknesses: cute little fuzzy things, and my Supra
Your Perfect Pizza: lots of cheese, lots of meat, no onions

Part 3: Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow
Your thoughts first waking up: "Shit! i overslept"
Your bedtime: tentative
Your most missed memory: Melbourne

Part 4: Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi. but i hardly drink carbonated drinks anymore...
McD or Burger King: Burger King
Single or Group Dates: group. somehow it's just more fun...single dates will always be there
Adidas or Nike: nike
Lipton Tea or Nestea: nestea
Chocolate or Vanilla: choc
Cappucino or Coffee: coffee

Part 5: Do You...
Smoke: nope
Curse: i dunno...do i?

Part 6: In the Past Month
Drank alcohol: yup
Gone to the mall: yup
Been on stage: yup
Eaten sushi: yup...hehe funny story that...somehow it's always sushi at The Curve
Dyed your hair: nope

Part 7: Have You Ever?
Played a stripping game: stripping games always involve a certain level of drunkenness right? so i honestly can't remember
Changed who you were to fit in: i suppose we all do that at times

Part 8
Age you're hoping to be married: heh...that's a conversation for another day

Part 9: In A Guy/Girl
Best Eye Color: grey. so incredibly mystical...yum
Hair Color: doesn't matter
Short or Long Hair: doesn't matter

Part 10: What Were You Doing?
1 minute ago: answering Part 7 i guess
1 hour ago: washing my hair
4.5 hours ago: on the phone
1 month ago: probably yum cha-ing
1 year ago: mending a broken relationship while ending a problematic one

Part 11: Finish The Sentence
I love: speed
I feel: like frying nuggets to eat but i'm too damn lazy and it's too damn late
I hate: waiting
I hide: my dirty undies
I miss: the gti
I need: money

someone once said that the opposite of love is not hate but in fact fear.

i can't quite remember what the person's explanation for that statement was but my interpretation is this. hate means that there is a lack of love. you can't love someone and hate him at the same time but you can intensely dislike.

life has taught me that the essence of love is exactly as the bible says...or at least it has become my only point of reference if ever there is doubt in that area. so read with me;


makes sense doesn't it? hate takes form because there is no love but not when there is no love. you don't immediately start hating someone just because you've fallen out of love. but, when love is taken away, fear takes its place. fear causes insecurity, doubt, discontent. fear makes a person act without thinking things through. fear makes a person settle for something less than s/he deserves. fear heightens a person's desire to want.

so, is it wrong to want? is it wrong to settle for something less just because it happens to be there at the right time?

i guess if love is what it is, then love is what i want. the kind of love that drives away my fears.

sometimes it's just so hard to know what to want.

we all have options, choices...maybe even too many. so how do we know what to want when the pros and cons aren't clear? or when you're so consumed with temptation that your thoughts get clouded over with the desire to act impulsively?

i've been lusting to fill my mouth with the taste of cold mango but right next to mango is cherries. cherries don't come around everyday. cherries taste good and dark red IS the color of passion, excitement, blood. is it then still better to have mango? aren't i allowed to indulge in a moment of fickle-ness? what if the cherries are gone by the time tomorrow comes? mangoes are high maintenance though...takes more effort because of the need to peel before eating. not the case with cherries. just pop and go...but then i started off wanting mangoes...why have i lost focus? why am i contemplating when i've wanted mangoes all this while? is it really that easy to lose sight of your heart's desires? is it that easy to let go of years of hopes and dreams over something that promises nothing more than short term satisfaction? is it that easy to forget?

do you think it's rational to make a decision without much deliberation? expiry stickers limit the thought process but how much is too much? if time makes things clearer then maybe time is the ultimate decision maker. time will make both mango and cherries go bad. time will make mango into a tree with or without you. time robs you of your choices.

what to do, what to do...

She sees them walking hand-in-hand. They kiss. She is immediately reminded of the lies, the deceit, the betrayal but yet there is no hate. No anger. It's as though someone licked his spoon and stuck it in her soup. At first she's confused, and then she gets territorial. "What was I?" She walks on. It's not fair. He's always ahead of her. "Why didn't I see it coming?" Love isn't blind. Pride and self blinds. She wants perfection but needs to understand that perfection comes from God. She longs for the day the silence breaks. "Oh Lord, when will it be my turn? Will I always be in someone else's shadow?" She sighs in frustration.

*sheepish smile* so i've been lazy to blog...

the past month's been pretty hectic. i realised that the older i get, the more obligations i feel, somewhat, compelled to meet. maybe coz it wouldn't have occured to me to look after certain people's feelings...but now i do...sigh...responsibilities are a biatch.

anyway, on a lighter but still complainey note, i can't seem to win anything! i enter competitions, i enter draws...i don't win crap!!! ally wins lotsa stuff. zeb wins big stuff. everyone gets free tickets to everything. why i don't have wan?! yeesh....and i sooo wanted that Cayman S from the Malaysian Charity Draw....*mumble grumble*

on a much lighter note, the highlight of my month came extremely unexpected. my bro and dad went to Singapore for business. when they came back, my mom and i thought they'd have at least bought back some fun stuff with them but guess what they brought back? kampung chicken eggs. wtf?? anyway, inspite of the grave disappointment, we went along our routinely lives...until a night later. my dad handed me this plastic bag which i opened. *giggle giggle, twirl hair-twirl hair* remember me lamenting bout my lost flashlight? my daddy got me another one!!! it's exactly the same except for the rubber grip handle. hehehe! little joys...

apart from these happening happenings,
the 4hotchiqz have been reunited...
but then we have yet to take a picture of all four of us together...

i finally attended a Mass Comm end-of-semester-ly house party.

we celebrated Ally's 19th birthday!!
girl, you've grown to be beautiful in all aspects of your life. may the Lord continue to bless you and use you not only in your areas of ministry but also in your college, at home, at work, at yam chas, at the movies, at shopping, and anywhere else you frequent. when the road is winding, we will walk it hand-in-hand, building each other up all for the glory of God.


church carnival, a fundraising event for the building of the Calvary Convention Center
i was scheduled to help out at my Lifegroup's t-shirt & knick knacks stall at 1pm. i reached just before 1, managed to shovel in half a personal pizza before running off to the Lifegroup stall. sigh...by the time i got off duty, almost everything was sold out. no more curry laksa. no more paper wrapped chicken. no more Delicious by Ms Read cupcakes. sigh...suppose i'll have to wait till next year...

word of the day: Charlie Chaplin entered a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest and came in 3rd.

i feel miserable...

this is diet day 3...or day 2...doesn't matter la. i still feel miserable...my diet does not require me to skip meals or avoid certain food groups or even have me eat canned beets for a week. all i need to do is cut down...stop drinking leong cha with sugar, always always order kopi 'o' ice kosong, try to avoid finishing all the rice on my plate, eat more vege than meat, and don't eat anything after 9 to 10pm...that's all...but yet my tummy's protesting...why ar? have i really been eating that much all this while?? no wonder i've been gaining weight...stupid...

i workout every other day now, 40 minutes per day...nothing very strenuous but yet i'm getting hungrier and hungrier.

i can't give up now though. need to shed that extra 5kg plus 1 inch i've put on since the beginning of the year...*yoikes!* aza aza fighting!

i was contemplating whether or not to post this. it's sooo incredibly amusing!!! not very family friendly though but oh well...one way or another la...

*roflmao* this seemingly innocent looking chair-like thing, has got to be the most inventive thing since electric toothbrushes.



seriously, how much lazier can our generation get?

i did read somewhere though that sex helps to burn calories...heh heh heh...

i just finished an assignment that's due tomorrow...

it's nearing 3am and i'm blogging...i've got a freakin long day tomorrow and i'm blogging at 3am...i haven't been blogging regularly for the past 2 months or so and i'm blogging now at 3am...

so you know what's b'zah?
i'm actually proud of my work...the words just flowed *grin*

but you know what else is b'zah?
i'm actually happy after 3 hellish weeks of depression and insecurity...ok lar...not happy "WOOHOO!" happy, but the "i'm actually proud of my work" happy.

but this is really b'zah!
i actually stayed in on a Friday night to change my bedsheets. no shit! i was at Ikano with my mommy that night and we bought a whole bunch of bedsheets from Aussino. NO SHIT! the discounts were insane...!! anyway, i was so excited bout the bedsheets that i stayed in, vaccumed my room, sorted out my dirty clothes, cleaned up my floor...NO SHIT!! i have proof...well, i have proof that i changed my bedsheets la...


but this is insanely b'zah!!
i actually wanted to go to last Sat's youth concert alone. i ended up going with a car-ful of people though...not that they wanted to go with me la. piss a$$es just needed transport...cis bedebah! it's about time for at least one of you to step up and be a man...fetch me! drive me!
so anyway, we reached the concert and i went about taking pictures like i was a pro...having this SLR-like Lumix FZ30 in my hands, i was set...funny how i have no idea what any of the functions mean...not so funny how one of the only pictures that came out nice was this one...and it's off center...and it's of people, not the concert...the hair's amusing as heck though =)


now this is completely b'zah...
i went to a Tangs sale, and bought nothing. i dragged a very reluctant brother into the Island Shop in 1u under the pretense that i wanted him to check out some insane bargains on the men's clothes but really, i wanted to see the heels at Tangs. 50%-70% off a HUGE selection of heels. the whole damn place was a mess of discount tags.......
my bro bought a pair of capris and i bought nothing...stupid....
p/s: that happened on Sunday i think. i went back today and got a cute pair of low-heeled sandal thingies

i lost my flashlight...

drew gave me this really nice LED (i think) flashlight a few weeks back. i thought i put it in the car's glove compartment but when i checked it last week, it wasn't there...where could it be? i did that whole trace-your-steps-back thing but couldn't find it.

sigh...i really liked it...

ever get that feeling of unsatisfaction that when you can't find something you're looking for, you ultimately feel compelled to find other stuff..? i did...i went around my whole house looking for that flashlight and when i couldn't find it, i started randomly rummaging through stuf. i dug through some of my old stuff that i stored and sealed away when i was redecorating my room. i came up with year books, keychains, rings...a Sally bobblehead figurine...

i guess it made me feel a bit better for losing the flashlight...

i feel empty...

maybe it's because i'm pampered...i dunno...i take my dinners pretty seriously. i like to have good dinners...i really don't care bout breakfast or lunch but dinners really REALLY matter to me...i had economy rice for dinner today...and yesterday...once is bad enough what more twice in a row! i feel so unsatisfied...so empty...*grumble grumble*

*this is Monday's post

yesterday was the best day of my life...

before leaving for Phuket, Andrew told me he'd get us Japan GT tickets for the weekend but until the day he left, there wasn't anymore talk bout it. i thought he probably forgot..nevermind la...it's in Sepang anyway. PANAS giler...

we go out on Friday after he comes back, tells me that his cousin got some free passes and gave him 2. woohoo!

Sunday is race day so right after church, we zoom zoom there. when we reached, his cousin met us at an obscure parking lot entrance to bring us in...guess what passes we got...PADDOCK! omg...!!! we could watch the race in an air-conditioned glass box. we could go to the roof and watch the race start and then see the cars go round the fun-accident-prone bends, we just had to go from one side of the roof to the other. and the best part, WE GOT TO GO IN TO THE PIT!!! OMG!!! you have no idea how exciting it was. before the GT cars raced, the formula cars raced so we got to walk around the pit and watch the engineers fix up the GT cars. noone asked us to leave, noone apprehended us for taking pictures, noone, nothing. we even went to the opposite side of the pit, onto the divider separating the track from the pit and stood like a meter away from the crazy loud formula cars during the race...i felt like i was invisible...it was the coolest feeling in the world!

View From The Pit
Rooftop

i should've known better...

had a presentation today about alternative newspapers. it was my first class of the morning so i had my early morning coffee fix before. dude...nerves and caffeine induced alertness really don't mix. REALLY. think pulpitations and shaking hands, caffeine induced. think cold sweat and jumbled thoughts, nervousness. CANNOT THINK STRAIGHT. sigh...but i guess it went well...there's no marks for this presentation so no worries =)

once again, Sedaya manages to achieve a higher level of incompetence...

wahlau...i hate Sedaya! i hate hate HATE Sedaya!! i came all this blady way for one morning class and class is CANCELED. waddafrik wei!!! and if it weren't for another classmate wandering around the halls, i wouldn't have known. apparently, my lecturer took a bunch of students from a different class for a field trip to an advertising firm...seeing as how this class that i'm taking only has 9 students, i guess she assumed that ALL the students from this class are also taking her other class...BUT I'M NOT! the other girl i found in the hall was supposed to go with them but i guess she's more sesat than me.

whatever la...i don't care if they all wanna take the whole damn month off to visit America without me. I DON'T CARE! just inform me about it and i can sleep in!! i'm soo annoyed....stupid stupid Sedaya....I HATE SEDAYA

anyway, i guess it's a good thing that i don't have class. i can now finish up some of my Journalism work.

oh...here's something amusing...it happened about 3 weeks ago but i was afraid it would be embarrassing so i didn't tell anyone bout it...but, since i've seen it and can be assured that it'll only take some serious hawk eyes to notice, i can't help but share =)

i'm in a KFC ad. harhar...it's sooo superbly embarrassing but don't care la. it's for the experience...i only got paid RM100 for 7 hours of waiting around throughout the wee hours of the morning but...don't care la. i can now say that "i do TV commercials". heehee...I'M FAMOUS!

and guess what...prepare to be proud of me. i washed a car...*basks in moment of silent awe* i think it's been more than half a decade since i've had to wash a car. andrew lent me his car for 2 weeks now and already then did it need a wash. it was so dusty...and covered in red bird poop. i'm so proud of myself...and the car. it's now road worthy. the paint color is now truly silver and not champagne. i can now open the door without having to carefully avoid bird poop and dust. i can now see through the windscreen clearly. and that's after washing without using car shampoo...just wait la. i'll get it sparkling again in no time...

word of the day : there's confidence in uncertainty

i knew this was gonna be a bad day the moment the McDs sauce dispenser was out of chilli sauce...

i almost got into an accident...sheesh...i know it was completely my fault but when you start using "fuck you"s and such, i can't help but shout back...

can i blame my lack of alertness on the fact that i'm still half asleep? i missed my 1st class...stupid jam on that Eastin highway...what's it called? so annoying...i could've slept in! had to rush coz i needed to print my article for my Journalism class. printers take awhile to warm up right, so i left it there...came back 10 minutes later to find that my printer was out of black ink...*curses* how the hell am i supposed to hand up my work now?? the printer could have alerted me bout my ink shortage before it went empty right?? couldn't print shit...*stupid stupid*

anyway, i wrote this halfway last night.
ever notice how the people you take pictures with affect how you look?

i have...somehow when i'm with people i love, i photograph better...maybe not all the time la but there are a select few pictures that i just look great in. well, not just for me but other people too. been blog surfing while waiting and i just had to take notice of it...the person looked so beautiful next to her closest friend.

maybe it's coz we're more comfortable with that other person...maybe it's coz we're genuinely smiling for the camera when with that other person...maybe it's coz there's so much love and care between the two that it reflects on the camera lens...

p/s: day just got a bit better. Mr Josh Hartnet just walked into the comp lab. *smile*

isn't it weird how often we have bad days...

they play that Daniel Powter song on the radio at least 10 times a day per station and i find myself being able to relate almost everytime. how bad's a day gotta be before that song stops being uplifting...?

does hiding feelings actually equal deceit?

by giving someone else priority, am i being naive?

by giving someone else priority, am i actually doing the person a favour while i hold a grudge?

can the unspoken be heard?

can I hear the unspoken? or am i choosing not to hear...?

why is it so much easier to ask things that are unimportant and neglect the things that matter?
maybe coz it matters too much to put it at risk...?


word of the day : the fear of losing everything will lose you everything

things that i want,
things that i need.
all in all are things that i'd like,
but all but one will soon be mine.

so i've become one of those people who let other people dictate their lives...

isn't it weird that pressure makes you perform better? i guess it's the fear of loss that drives people...

haven't been blogging for awhile coz i've been confused...confusion doesn't do well with blogging. how do you tell your life story when you yourself have no idea what's in your head...or have no idea how to arrange the content...

whatever...i'm still confused...

my new semester started 3 weeks ago. i've finally got all my subjects confirmed and i'm satisfied...i could be more satisfied but for now, i'm just satisfied...there's this one person in my class that's annoying every last vein in my body. everyday, my annoyance soars to a higher level. i'm not normally mean, but i really can't help it here...maybe i'm getting more cold hearted, maybe i'm easier to annoy now, or maybe he's just plain friggin ANNOYING!!

anyway, i take back what i said bout Sedaya not having any cute guys. i've been bumping into this guy at the cafeteria who looks like Josh Hartnet (!!!!)...deep breaths, people...JOSH HARTNET!!! he has that whole cool, quiet, bad boy thing down to an 'O'. serious shit...he's my McSteamy...

p/s: anyone up for shopping?
________________________________________________________

here's something i've been thinking about...managed to work out this bit of confusion into something coherent but never managed to get an answer.

where's the line drawn between reasoning and denial?

i've always given people the benefit of the doubt, which is probably why i appear upbeat. but after all this while, could all my reasoning actually have been an escape from the truth? maybe that's why i don't question people...the whole ignorance thing.

are you confused? here's an example.
a stranger sitting at an opposite table appears to be taking a picture of you with his camera phone.

reasoning : he's just sms-ing but the screen's contrast is blocked out by the sun so he's holding the phone in a weird position

denial : he really is taking a picture of you but you can't confirm it so you ignore.

aih....this is really weird

i know it's been a long time...

yesterday was my last paper of the semester. it felt so great...
...to be able to wake up early in the morning but still have no little voice reminding you of unfinished work...to be able to sleep early as there are no longer needs to procrastinate...to be able to blog not because you need something to take your mind off assignments but just for the heck of it...to be able to eat properly as there is no longer anymore stress to catalyse bingeing...sigh...feels kinda weird....

i started working for my parents in the beginning of this week. my mom is such a menace! she hadn't touched any of her paperwork since i stopped working last year. my bro did a bit and then became a lazy shit...the amount of paperwork is insane...but i suppose it's better than that horrible data entry nonsense.

anyway, i've been thinking...is it possible that what we look for in a romantic partner is a person that enhances our weaker traits?
an outgoing person could be great with someone s/he could stay home with.
an independent person could find comfort in someone s/he could submit to.
a career driven person could find pride in someone who doesn't care for money or status.
a materialistic person could find gratification in a person who s/he is comfortable with just being simple.

maybe that's what they mean when they say "you complete me". you're a whole person because that special someone helped you to discover things that you thought were never there. maybe the whole notion that 'opposites attract' is somewhat true?

hehe...i understand it, i've experienced it, but i don't believe it. it's nice for a change but definitely not long term. how long do you think you can stand being with someone who constantly wants to stay home while you are dying to go out? eventually your prevalent nature will, well, prevail...right?

just so you know, i'm blogging for the heck of it...

word of the day : i'm so broke that i can't even pay attention

what a long week it's been...

i can't wait for my semester to end, which will be at the end of this week, but dude...the last week's been insanely long...i'm sleep deprived...i need a massage...

aih...get those horrible assignments over with and i'm DONE!
exams ought to be easy...or at least easier than cramming for deadlines

i've got a twitch for watch shopping. it's a weird fetish i have. i simply love watches!! i love my own watches and i love looking at other people's lovely watches. i've come up with the Ai Leen Watch Theory that says you can tell a person's personality just by looking at their watches.

reasons to substantiate this theory:
1. a watch is expensive enough for a person to think twice before buying. therefore, a lot of thought goes into a watch purchase, thus reflecting individual taste and the way they think.

2. everyone has at least one watch be it their own, borrowed, or given.

3. people wear their watches almost everyday so even if you meet someone for the 1st time, you can already somewhat judge

how it works?
1. look at how it fits.
- too loose = thrifty. they probably bought it quite sometime ago expecting to grow into it. likes to prepare for the future. may have a substantial bank account balance.

2. look at the face color
- silvers / blacks / whites / navy blues = practical. most likely to be an everyday watch

3. look at the strap
- rubber straps = sporty / allergic to metal. it won't smell even after heavy sweating nor will it cause irritation from tarnishing
- metal straps = hmm...i actually don't know. it's just nice to look at i guess, so it indicates that the individual has good taste
- cloth straps = youth. may be younger than you were lead to believe

well, there's more to it really...but then you'll have to be me to understand (though of course, i don't go around judging people by their watches. the theory just came to me while i was on the way to college and thought it pretty amusing. i don't actually use it.)...so like i said, i've got a watch fetish...

i've got an itch for bag shopping. i just realised that bigger bags are always better...i can hardly stuff anything into my small ones anymore...it's a sign of aging. ever see moms using anything smaller than a brick? stuffing an extra kohl pencil into my bag is an entire feat in itself...it's so long...!

i've got a rash for shoe shopping. i can't believe i keep wearing the same black pair. i wanted to keep it for nicer outings than classes but i just can't seem to find anything to match college clothes...black goes with everything right...

sigh...however, looks like i'll be scratching for a month since i've got no money to buy 'rash cream'..."curses on thy sexy Oakley frames!!"

indulgences of the day:
1. i took a 2 hour breakfast this morning instead of getting started on my remaining 5 movie journals due by the end of the week

2. dressed up a lil nicer than usual to go to my old college to hassle them for my refund

3. i finally bought the pair of Oakleys that i've had my eye on for a whole entire week. woohoo! darling half wires, red iridium lenses. sexy stuff...

4. i'm blogging now even though i really should be doing my movie journals...think i'm gonna go sleep 1st and then wake up early to do it...*yawnerz* i'm so sleepy

deprivations for the rest of the week:
1. no more early nights. i really need to finish up my movie journals. my films class is 100% in-class assessment. no exams...pros and cons la

2. no more expensive meals...actually, this deprivation should last at least a month...those Oakleys were really quite pricey

3. no more breaks between classes. gotta finish up my movie journals plus meet up with my group members to discuss our final assignments...3 in total, all due next week...


see, i noticed that with every decision a person makes, there are always consequences be it good or bad ones. the consequence for procrastinating is 2 weeks of sleepless nights. the consequence for buying items that are beyond my budget is a month of economy rice and no movies.

sigh...

word of the day : just in time to be late

i want to be able to want
i want to be able to say things i don't mean
i want to be able to act without thinking
i want to not be wanted
i want to be able to see the things that i don't want to see
i want to be able to want you without having you
i want to be able to spend everything but still have everything
i want to have the moon that was promised me, though i may not know where to put it
i want you to know,
but i just need you to be

i got back from prom not too long ago, took my bath, got ready for bed, but somehow i can't seem to sleep so...let's blog bout prom =)

the theme of the prom was Fantasie (don't ask me why it's spelt like that. i'm sure there's a meaning to it but i have no idea...), something about making dreams and fantasies a reality...so, like i said in my earlier post, some of my girl friends had planned to go as angels and the guys as devils and pimps. i started getting kinda excited bout dressing up coz i've always wanted to dress-up or go to a costume party...so fun...anyway, it was a bit too late for me to run about looking for a cute costume so i just had to make-do...ran out in the afternoon to get some black ribbon to tie on my arm...hehe! whatever la...at least it made a fashion statement...

so, when i reached Sunway Lagoon Resort, only 2 of my girl friends came as angels. dunno what happened to everyone else...

Fantasie was ok...a prom will always be a prom...the programs are always almost the same but it's the people that make a difference. i'm so glad i decided to go...even if it did take ALOT of persuading. i tell you, i made camwhores out of my entire table...

here's some pictures...


all in all, i had a good time...made some pretty good friends in the process...learnt some pretty interesting stuff bout people...ate some pretty good tasting sweet n' sour fish...got a stick of pretty nice lipgloss as a door gift...i finally learnt how to blowdry my hair right...i now know how to stick rhinestones on my face...

conclusion? proms are educational

last week was interesting

i met up with a good friend that i haven't seen in more than a year! it was sooo good to see him again *grin*


i watched Gamarjobat on Fri, this comedy duo from Japan with Zeb, Kurt, & Sin Yee. harhar! amusing shit....

don't laugh...............i went for the Hitzfm Birthday Bash at Malacca on Sat....juvenile as it may sound, we actually had a pretty fun time. dinner was a blast, "yea Ally?", with all the apples and tomatoes and Duta Biskut Julie. anyway, we got to watch a Moffatt perform, Reshmonu, and Jason Lo...Jason Lo's pretty damn good!!!

my parents left for NZ Saturday afternoon. they'll be back on Monday next week so i've got the car this whole entire week *grinnnn* well, it's nice to have the freedom to come and go as i please but damn Sedaya's shitty ass parking system is pissing the pants off of me. they started this season pass thing in January but even before classes commenced, those passes were sold out. so now the damn parking lot inside college is only parkable to people with passes. those without have to park like half a lifetime away from college and walk the mile under totally unreasonable weather. it's always either insanely hot or raining monkeys and elephants. crappy ass system...so what if i only have to go through this for a week *mumble grumble*

college life is getting increasingly hectic...last week and this week have been stressful to the max. midterms la, assignments la, presentations la...i had a presentation today but only started working on it last night even though my lecturer gave us the topic a week ago, so i slept at like 4. i've been really slacking in Film Studies. gosh!! i've piled up about 8 or 9 movie journals so far and now he reminds us of our final presentation that's due in 2 weeks...tralala *prances back into denial*

so check this...i'm going for prom this comin Friday. i actually wasn't looking forward to it coz, well, you know i have issues with Sedaya wan la but then, how do you say no to people? besides, my ticket's fully sponsored *smile smile* got nothing to lose i suppose. it's gonna be held in Sunway Lagoon Resort and the theme is Fantasy. some of my friends already planned to go as angels...so nice yea? get to play dress-up. i feel like joining them but i'm wearing a black dress...maybe black wings? i dunno la...it's in 2 days...they haven't even found their wings yet...

some coll friends...
you know, the grossest thing that could ever happen to anyone would have to be dropping half a roll of toilet paper into your own toilet bowl. you definitely can't flush it away coz it'll cause a clog...fishing it up would be totally disgusting since it's only half a roll and would therefore be fully immersed...ABANDON TOILET!!!!!!

is ignorance really bliss?
if one is truly ingnorant, then one will not realise that one does not know and thus will not be able to be blissful. one can only say that 'ignorance is bliss' when one already knows and thus finds that one would have been better off not knowing.

what's a better choice? to live in the present or to live for the promise?
to live in the present would mean living impulsively on decisions made based on current wants and desires. to live for the promise would mean holding off for something that promises to be good or great but one can never be too sure. so how does one live? is it better to be constantly paying the price for ones actions or is it better to not have to pay at all but yet consciously wonder about the 'what ifs' and the 'maybes'.

BM subtitles guide : She has to attend a Brownie meeting. Adik perlu hadiri mesyuarat Si Coklat

word of the day : bob the bandana bandit

*this is last monday's post (13th Feb). don't ask me how i actually forgot to publish it...

my mom's car fell sick this morning...some more during rush hour...not very nice la...an accident almost happened coz of it...waited an hour for AAM to arrive...waited another half an hour at Tan Chong to see the doctor...but like all bad things, there's always a good outcome...i got to skip my 1st class! teehee!

so Valentine's Day is tomorrow...and i've got a date with my vocal teacher...who's a lady. but somehow, there's not much hype going on this year right..? or is it just me? well, maybe it's coz i don't hang out with people who are that into the whole Valentine's thing...or maybe it's coz i don't have a date...or maybe it's coz i grew up enough to realise the ridiculouness of Valentine's...or maybe it's coz all this while, even though i had dates, they weren't exactly terribly romantic.
my 1st Valentine made me wait a good 40 mins in a shopping complex for him to arrive...
my 2nd one gave me a devotional book
and my 3rd gave me a Swiss Card
though of course they all involved flowers and dinner but that's not the point.....

i feel that Valentine's Day has grown so way out of proportion that every girl has this idealistic dream of being asked out for a faint-gracefully-into-your-arms romantic night by an enchantingly charming guy who actually has the ability to hold doors open for girls. why should this one day be so different from others? why should this one day suddenly make brute beer chugging football watching men turn into someone with explicably good taste in clothes? how destroyed a girl must feel when she comes home from a Valentine's date that was completely ruined just coz he didn't pull out her chair for her...

i'm not bitter ok...i just think that Valentine's Day could be an increasingly unhealthy ritual for both men and women alike

i'm one helluva student!!

i slept through my snooze this morning and jumped out of bed half an hour late only to find that my bro had already left. thought i'll follow my mom to the office and skip my 1st class la...thank God i didn't...my bro came back after brekky so i went to coll on an empty stomach and an unadulterated bloodstream...

i came in to my Advertising class a few minutes late, found my seat next to a friend, only to be informed that we had a quiz that morning. well, maybe not informed...more like reminded. OMG!! i totally forgot! i didn't study shit!! i didn't print out any notes!!! OMG!!! ................what the heck la...i sat through it anyway...and screwed it up...

that's not even the best part...or the worst. anyway, my next class was an hour away and i had some finishing touches to do on my assignment. we went to McDs (so damn in need of my caffeine fix) for breakfast while we all finished up on our work. supposed to do some artistic stuff with lines/shapes/colours to create an illusion of distance, movement, and direction. mine was very simple but, hopefully, still delivered the message. so, we got carried away doing our stuff...reached class 15 minutes late. i thought we just had to hand in our work coz we already presented our rough sketches on Monday. i didn't blady know that we had to present our stuff again!!! OMG!!!! of all days to decide to dress down, i chose today...wearing a baggy shirt & jeans, i presented some pretty last minute stuff. looks like i won't be acing anything this sem.....

*sigh*

an e-mail a friend sent me cheered me up abit...roses and sparkly things, i like

my 21st birthday lasted 3 days!!

i made plans with Prav more than a month ago to go out on the 3rd to celebrate my day so after S'pore i came straight home, changed and went out again. he had planned to take me to a restaurant in Plaza Damas called er...Flamin J's? i think...anyway, at Plaza Damas, he wanted to check out this place called D Lounge coz the 1st time i went there, i thought it'll be a great place to have a private party or drinking sesh, or whatever la...coz it's cosy and quiet and not many ppl know about it. so he brought me in there and when i reached upstairs, SAPLAIS!! he'd organised a surprise party for me. hehe! such a sweetie =) i seriously didn't see it coming at all...he's never done anything like that for me before...thank you so so much honey pie!! and all those who were involved in the planning one way or another. thanx Rin & Ally!! thanx Roo Roo!! and thanx to all those who made the effort to come; Yong, Yee, Yap, Joel, Rachel, Ben, Zeb, Kurt, Sin Yee, Tasya. and those who wanted to come but couldn't make it; Tabby, Jen Jen, Derek, Chewie, Barr. huggy bugs!!! i lovies you!! *smile*



the 4th night is one i'll never forget. Roo Roo brought me out for dinner at Luna Bar. gorgeous place!!! but damn hard to find your way up. we had to take like 3 different elevators and 2 flights of stairs to get there. all worth it though. prices there are reasonable and the food is fantastic!! the mushrooms on the pizza were sooo succulent i almost gave into rashes (i'm allergic to mushrooms) coz they were soo good...the dessert was arguable though...it was a fully chocolate creation that consisted of a slice of RICH choc pie, some hazelnut choc ice cream thing, a shot glass of choc mousse and a shot glass of vanilla something. it was called Death By Chocolate and we really died...serious shit! we barely finished half... such a waste...
anyway, that wasn't the best part of the night. we finished dinner early so i decided i wanted to do something out of the norm and when Roo mentioned Genting, i immediately knew what i wanted to do. i drove up to Genting for the very 1st time and it was at night some more...the sharp bends took abit of getting used to but after awhile, DAMN FUN!!! at Genting we went into the casino for my very 1st time and lost 10 bucks. i can now say i did all this before 21.


the 5th was more relaxed. my bro took me on a mini shopping spree. thanx kheng! =) and then dinner was with me family at Shun, this Jap restaurant opposite Sheraton Subang.





oh! and thanx to all those who wished me through sms...i'm sorry if i didn't reply. have been really low on credit since CNY and roaming in S'pore.

thank you for making that day so special for me. it really helped me get over my getting-old-depression / midlife crisis...it did...

lots of love,
Ai Leen