sometimes it's just so hard to know what to want.

we all have options, choices...maybe even too many. so how do we know what to want when the pros and cons aren't clear? or when you're so consumed with temptation that your thoughts get clouded over with the desire to act impulsively?

i've been lusting to fill my mouth with the taste of cold mango but right next to mango is cherries. cherries don't come around everyday. cherries taste good and dark red IS the color of passion, excitement, blood. is it then still better to have mango? aren't i allowed to indulge in a moment of fickle-ness? what if the cherries are gone by the time tomorrow comes? mangoes are high maintenance though...takes more effort because of the need to peel before eating. not the case with cherries. just pop and go...but then i started off wanting mangoes...why have i lost focus? why am i contemplating when i've wanted mangoes all this while? is it really that easy to lose sight of your heart's desires? is it that easy to let go of years of hopes and dreams over something that promises nothing more than short term satisfaction? is it that easy to forget?

do you think it's rational to make a decision without much deliberation? expiry stickers limit the thought process but how much is too much? if time makes things clearer then maybe time is the ultimate decision maker. time will make both mango and cherries go bad. time will make mango into a tree with or without you. time robs you of your choices.

what to do, what to do...

She sees them walking hand-in-hand. They kiss. She is immediately reminded of the lies, the deceit, the betrayal but yet there is no hate. No anger. It's as though someone licked his spoon and stuck it in her soup. At first she's confused, and then she gets territorial. "What was I?" She walks on. It's not fair. He's always ahead of her. "Why didn't I see it coming?" Love isn't blind. Pride and self blinds. She wants perfection but needs to understand that perfection comes from God. She longs for the day the silence breaks. "Oh Lord, when will it be my turn? Will I always be in someone else's shadow?" She sighs in frustration.